audio post powered by audblog
Yo I realize I said GLOB… but oh well.. it was free, and The joint wouldn’t let me fix it.. So flow with the general idea or don’t

I’ve got a new spot that I vibe, I find it to be a more cathartic freeing release.. I will be back here every now and then. But there comes a point where you move forward or get rolled the fuck over..
And well I am not in the mood to be flattened.

Hollerrrrrr

/

your recipe is only as strong as the ingredients

i fuck myself every night
wishing it was you
that replaced my fingers
deep in the cushion
with yours
turning off the mechanical
monotony
of my
promiscuous mind
allowing for
room to
settle into the comforts
of what it means to
be at home
even though i've
realized that
i can't be
holding onto you
in this space
at this time

how strange it be
that the same things
that give me peace
don't
not when fifty fifty
is reduced to 20
forty
and that isn't even
the whole of the
eqaution

the photo isn't under my
desk its still in the wallet

maybe in another time and place
it would have made sense

but i guess now it don't

i never heard back from you
when i last typed

so i figure what is the use



sis.do.wh.at.you.got.ta do.to keep.the.j.o.....nes hot.
cause
you got it

i am just wondering why.. i am the cause of it all
i am the inconsistant one.. right

ok..

holla
i'mout

if you care to know the where abouts

e me


if not

peace

i am out.. hollaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-- done, gone with the wind.. peace finito roger that. over and out

was just a word
with sound
and
one
indistinguishable
sylable

sound is a tap dance on
decibles staggered
spaced like fake ass
niggas
making their
untimely presense
at yo' funeral

perpin' the realness
but didn't even study
the text
and continue to
review

four
and three quater
stars for
your performance

i write this
because it
is cathartic
to the soul

i
gotta
purge the
shit
that
continues to boggle
my mind

like letters dropped
on a board
spelling only one
word
and you couldn't pass
so
that became your answer

you drop beats
expecting me to croon
like the others
that turn up their
miracle ears
to BLAST
only to percieve
that it was spoken
with a higher
place in mind

got that?
percieve

somwhere between
that heaven
and hellish
ass sound
that comes
from down
deep
but sounds sexy
as shit

when the air
fucks it

yall know how people put on that fake ass sexy voice.. knowing it really sounds like the devils spawn somewhere deep in there sorta like the one you would hear immediately after waking up, before the toothpaste hit the brush, and before they packed it pretty and sold it to your ass as a hot mixtape, probably for some of your most pricless shit. three or four of your main
arteries
which in turn
taxed your heart

you is a beat looking
for the loudest amp

and i hope she is plugged in
and surge protected
cause affairs of the heart
can produce palpatations

i recommend taking one pill daily to
reduce the risk of falling hard for a pretty ass hype
minus

the williams

roy ayers said it best


IT AIN'T YOUR SIGN, IT'S YOUR MIND

my sister is coming home for my moms b day.. i wonder what the weekend will bring.

it is hot in here, and i have the windows open,

last night i heard a siren of some sort going full speed down the highway. i thought hard for what was to be at the destination, and i am all hopes that it wasn't too bad. somebody asked me to pray for them, but i find it kind of hard to do, when i don't necessarily "pray" i guess what i do has no names, i find that when you label it, it is sort of pigeon holed, and then ... well thats what you are.. so i said my few words, and hopefully it will come out right..

but the fresh air, allows you to wake up better, to feel better, to percieve...and to touch..

there is nothing like sleeping with the windows open
and waking up to the breeze and the morning sounds
dancing on the tip of your delicious
close enough for me to breathe them in
and take heed
for the rules have been
set
to the tone of the winds
whistle
so i mimic

:pursing lips to let out sound:

elle

liquid soul

so i am sitting here, listening to liquid soul radio stream, and what do i hear but d'angelo's Africa and i dig that joint so hard, so i am vibing like shit dood.

and then the telephone rings, its baby t, seeing wassup with me.. nuthin girl. chillin like shiiiiiet

i watched pi again tonight. very intelligent film.. i say you check it out,,



elle
now to trainspotting

to my p did

lmao

girl imma pray for that toe
and you as a matter of fact
since you are out funnin,
all around the town

just hope you got some colorful mints handy

love your ellelee brown

because i don't believe you

when you say that you are a revolutionary
feeding your pockets
getting stock tips from
martha
i always knew you were an insider

for the OTHER SIDE

provider
lier
mother fuck
that
and yeah
right

you are full of the
shit that runs
from my constipated
ass

slow & infrequent

baaaaaaaawwahahaha.. i love it .. cause i could care less what people you think

out of touch

the lil' one called me and cursed me out, trying to figure out why the fuck i haven't called, she MOVED, and is on good terms with dum dum, although, he has yet to prove himself to her, and for real this time

p has called to curse me out, lightly, asking where i have been, tellin' me of the goings on, that i have missed/have yet to hear about

i talked to j dig, for a moment on one of those messenger thangs, though i have yet to hear her voice, in i don't know how long, it almost feels as though we are on haitus, but this time not of our own devices, well kinda sorta, telephone drama, but mine is back on, a new joint.

threeohwonfivethreefiveseventyfo'seventytwo

random "power for the course"

if only it would stop crumbling
before the foundation
had a chance to
settle
down
child before you
go stirring things
up
again

ms yak

that carmel apple cider
wit' soy






was
BANGIN"

clam diggers

isn't it CUTE! lol

listening to john lennon, bootsie, and mr ayers, how bout that vinyl

kinda small. very small.. oh well, it may not serve the purpose, but it serves A purpose.

i am tired

peace

ps.. finished the shawl tonight, my back is killin me, i was sitting up in the spot with out of all peoples, the chess club.. lmao, they was hitting those timers back and forth, and i was tickin and tackin. shawl done, whoooo hooo, my momma likes it, her eyes sort of lit up. next time i make one, it will work with the big gul, cause now i want one, but it gotta work with me

oh yeah word to the wise, don't drink the nasty ass carmel apple cider latte, it smells and looks loverly, but a take a closer look and it is green, it is like hot ass apple cider mixed with espresso, i was thinking it had some type of apple flavoring in the latte, but that shit was straight apple cider with like a half shot of espresso, and whipped cream nasty shit i tell you..

peace yall

the hookup

i got this really cute shirt today, kinda off the shoulders, very cute.. shoes for work, and a pair of converse type boot things.. so we went to the grocery and this dude is straight staring me down, so my mom gets all up in his line, all up in his face and she keeps calling me over there, so i was like i am like mom, dood, i am chillin'.. so finally she is done with her order, and dood is still staring, when she leans in, and goes "well danielle, don't you see him looking at you, i am trying to give you the hookup" when i replyed who cares, she looked at me like oh yeah i forgot you were my lesbian daughter. i am like damn, when you find a cute, nice, girl, then i will think about it, but i shall not entertain the constant attempts at "the hookup," especially when you know that, i am not interested in that kind of hookup any damn way.

blah

as j said.. "she can dream can't she"

driving ms daisy

i am taking my grand mom and my mom shopping. oh the joy of driving people that think that you can't drive.


toodle loo

honestly

there are times that i can't help but question you
shit i question me
but
this is when i realize
that maybe i wasn't wrong
for stepping out on things
deciding to walk along the uncertainties,
in essense
pulling myself out before my head
was leveled
by my urge to jump
in upside down
i know that she still loves you
i deduce this from
haikus on sunday mornings

to my once friend

i will call you the memento man


do you realize that you are
indeed the protagonist
in your own disoriented
reality
beckoning for me to
remember sammy jankis
when it is you who has

forgotten

aww damn

i am a sucka for sad movies, and happy ones
and i am sitting here watching antwone fisher

and well it has me all teared up

all teared up
i can still hear the cow bells

trading spaces 100 grand

how did those lucky suckas get to be on the one hundred grand episode.. i must admit that i think they should have divided the money out a little better, maybe like 5 grand to multiple people... considering they do some nice designs with a thousand. more people would have gotten better decorations, because some of those designs are crap.. and lets hope that frank is nowhere near the houses, because i would hate to see how many whimsical things he could paint on the walls with 1 hundred g's.

but then again, this is the day of reality television, in marraige with the game show (think while you were out, with the three questions, to win the biggest prizes in the room) And nowadays everyone is trying to out do the next, considering all of the new home decorating shows attracting the younger, more hip crowd, and even the kids, i guess you gotta keep up with the joneses.

they better decorate the whole house, no one room garBAGE, no over the top crazy stuff, and it better be bangin'

peace
elle

on with the

on the crafty front

i have not dedicated myself to anything else besides, my moms shawl, which will be done by tomorrow, or shall i change that, the yarn that i purchashed will be gone by tomorrow, or late tonight, i am nott sure if it will do or not. it has gotten much bigger that the picture below, but i am still thinking that with one more skein, and about a fourth left, i am going to need to get some more.

my next project will be something else knit, and some cute crochet scarves, similar to the ones i made last year.

so i will be back later with some thangs to post, but now i must concentrate on the shawl

ps.. does any one have any ideas, of how i can finish off the shawl, blocking etc, or any cleaning suggestions, would dry cleaning be a good idea, since it sheds, alot?

peace and love
elle

clearer more detailed picture of colors involved in the scarf

i like the creative vibes, that my extra full room brings, with just the right amount of light, incense burning, and candles flickering, it has that peaceful feeling that i feel comfortable creating in.

unconcious mutterings

1. Coat:: pea
   
2. Allowance:: monthly
   
3. Mist:: fine
   
4. Disorder:: eating
   
5. Scheme:: color
   
6. Dick:: moby
   
7. Homework:: ugh
   
8. Milton:: bradley
   
9. Shampoo:: peppermint
   
10. Z::zzZZzzZZzzz...
    

friday five @ saturday three15

1. What vehicle do you drive?

2001 ford escape, got it the same day i officially went natural, chopped it all off, with one inch to spare, got some gel twists, and went straight to the dealership 10 days after my 20th birthday (i got into a car accident 10 days before my 20th birthday)

2. How long have you had it?

since april 27th 2001

3. What is the coolest feature on your vehicle?

urm.. power everything, 6 disk cd changer, leather interior, but no really cool features, except i am the one which probably annoys you riding down the street, because the cd player stays full, and the volume is all the way up

4. What is the most annoying thing about your vehicle?

it is always junky, no fault of my vehicle, i am was a lazy ass mofo, i will leave stuff in there, like if i go shopping, or like shoes, or bags, just extra stuff that piles up after time, just ask syol, "is that a clothes basket in your back seat" or p "i am used to it now girl" it was quite bad, but i am the proud owner of a clean escape now!!!

5. If money were no object, what vehicle would you be driving right now?

the one that i have, but it would be paid off. and i would have free gas, and oil changes, because 22 dollars to fill up and 50 for the oil change is gettin on my nerves, but i think those mini coopers are kinda cute, its just that i am not a mini girl :^) give me a mans truck.. i got the child of SUV's, i want the great grand daddy--nah i am cool, it takes me where i am going

pea soup hat, and new wool

hat and wristband set finished today started in the wee hours,

new wool very small amount, not enough for a hat, so i will make some type of change purse or something

quoteables

freedom is a daily neceaaity like water, and we love most loyally and longest those who allow us at least occasionally to vanish and wander the curious night
------marge peircy

love, i find is like singing, everybody can do enough to satisfy themselves, though it may not impress the neighbors as being very much
------zora neale hurston

....the personal life deeply lived always expands into truthes beyond itself
------anais nin

life shrinks or expands in proportion with one's courage
------anais nin

freeing yourself was one thing; claiming ownership of that freed self was another
------toni morrison

she breathed in and out, her body a mere shelter for the mating of unfathomable will to unfathomable possibility
------gloria naylor

a great love is an absolute isolation and an absolute absorption
------ouida

love like poetry , is a kind of homesickness, the kind which made midevil monks sleep in their coffins.
------jennifer stone

it is hotter than a muh.. in here

my right eye has got some serious problems.. i think it is because i crochet too much, and it tries to keep up with the movement of the fingers.. but it ends up getting lost along the way, and well, i think it is broke.. it wont focus on shit.. i'm like damn i need this joint for the rest of my life. which reminds me of my uncle that i love dearly, (rest his soul) but anyway, he used to joke with me, after he lost his eye, that we were going to roll it down the table at christmas.. garbage pail kids style.. cause well, we used to be buggin'.. but well needless to say it never happened, cause he got sick when i was in alaska for the summer, and i never saw him again, but his soul is ever present in the daily.. yanno.

last night, i was going to sleep, and i kept waking up.. gawt dammit. shit be buggin me out.

so i woke up this morning to the tree people finally taking away those trees that have been in the middle of the cul-de-sac, since they fell down, like a week or something ago, i was starting to think that they were going to be there forever.. today was pretty chill

called the lady about training for the J-O-B she told me that it might be out of town somewhere, paid erry-thang, so i am happily packing my damn bag right now

i got a bit done on the moms shawl, which reminds me that she told me that she is through with me.. i swear hot and cold baby hot and cold. so i am l like ok.. whatever.. cause this shit is so predictable.


i made a beeline to the door and rolled.
library, to pick up this book, and use the lab for a minute, when i look up, and no lie, this lady is staring me right in my damn face, cheesin' ( i mean do i got a booger on my chin or what?) so i smile, to acknowledge her, but she keeps staring, and it creeped me out so i rolled (not before i went to the bathroom to check though)

i am driving down the street and this man in a jeep wearing a big ass winter coat and some big insu-fucking-lated gloves, is driving down the street, with out his plastic windows in, and all i could think of was what an oxyMORON

so i am sitting at this table, at borders typing on my computer, listening to music, and knitting the shawl, and these ladies come up to me like "we have have been wathing you for awhile, and we just wanted to know what you were making, so i told them, and they touched and oooooooh-ed, and aaaaaaaaaaah-ed for a minute. and said that my mom would surely love it.. when one lady was like "do you give lessons, " i replied that i was hardly good enough to divvy out the lesson plans, and she smiled, and when the conversation was over,i put my headphones back in, and started knitting again, and get this "THEIR asses WOULD NOT LEAVE," they started carrying on their own conversation circled around my table about how their husband would not let them paint.. clearly not directing at me, so why were they breathing on my neck.. talk about invading my public-personal space.. a violation in the highest degree.

made a green kufi kinda thingy

and finished some more of the shawl

and started on this green hat
that reminds me of the split pea soup they used to give us in private school..

i had a dream

kevin was walking around with a big ass chain on, he had his shirt unbuttoned to his belly button, instead of his polyester patched elbow suit.. lmao and i tell you that shit was a big gigantic improvement..

ah.. these damn people i know.. i tell ya

i said clawd-haf-mercy on my soul

i think meshell ndegeocello is the most beautiful woman in the world.

pun intended.............not really

taking a break from moms shawl, i completed this hat and wristband set, it was getting a tad bit too monotonus, if ya know what i mean.



talked to my pd also known as my othamotha, its funny cause she has some great insight on the person that i beez.. she sees all the overanalyzations first hand, and she is just plain down to earth. she told me that i just gotta let go of whatever it is that i am struggling with and get into the "chocolate elleleebrown" of which i corrected her, i may be elleleebrowncrayon but not a damn chocolate elleleebrown..l anywhosy, i shouldn't be up at 3 am, but i always am, cause i can never sleep. and in the back ground there is an infomercial playing on the boob tube, but in the speakers are songs and the commodores are speaking to me of sweet love. my back is hurting in need of a massage, bur i am not getting one, so i am about to massage myself into my covers, and get some shut eye

start of the shawl

we'll see what it looks like..

my dad says my mom will love it

i dunno. yet

j diggy

sorry i haven't been able to contact you

as you may know the telephone has died of a natural death

but i hope everything is going okay on your end, and you are ok

imma e mail ya

love elleleebrownskin

silk and winder

totally off the subject, but sometimes i think that wade robeson is a convulser disguised as a dancer, i mean have you watched the show.. i am not saying that he can't dance, because i know my ass can't.. but alot of the times, his popping and locking looks like it is on some ADD, i mean he does nice videos and stuff, don't get me wrong, but some of it is a tad bit interesting.

the sharon orbourne of it all

so my dad comes to me and tells me that i absolutely must make him a copy of tomorrows sharon osbourne show... because "she is the best talk show host, because she is the best" in his most endearing voice. as my mom sits there combs her hair all wild, and asks us who she looks like.. me looking at her, as if she looks like the crazy woman who combed her hair crazy

she hints "butchie it is your new girlfriends daughter"

and that is when it came to me for real they are sick... SHE THOUGHT she looked like kelly osbourne... NO NO NO

anyways.. on with the silk/winder

i was treated to borders

what were they thinking

i got the new issue of ms and one world

and the book role call a generational anthology of social & political black literature & art third world press feb 2002.. at a whopping 5 dollars, i would say a steal for an anthology of beautiful black works.

they had some journals 75 percent off, that were covered with silk, kinda nice, but i got my eye on the large spiral bound lined journal...

you're beautiful though

those words ring in my minds ears, because she told me that today

wow.. it was just by chance that i got in contact with you today, it never happens i am thinking it was meant to happen that way

so i am coming to terms with the excavation and exploration of the dig site, once called our love
and i think i will call this project

understanding the understanding of it all, which is overstanding to some.

because i'm finding that your love is totally understanding

so when you get back up here

we gonna do our thizzle..



BROWNCRAYON5 [3:01 PM]: hey

k87 [3:01 PM]: how you doin
k87 [3:01 PM]: i'm comin next thursday to dc for the howard homecoming game
BROWNCRAYON5 [3:01 PM]: i dunno..
k87 [3:01 PM]: they're playing famu
k87 [3:02 PM]: my mom's already in delaware
BROWNCRAYON5 [3:02 PM]: really, she like it alright?

k87 [3:02 PM]: yeah
BROWNCRAYON5 [3:03 PM]: :)

k87 [3:03 PM]: i'll be there next week
k87 [3:03 PM]: sga is taking a bus or two or three for all students who wanna go
BROWNCRAYON5 [3:04 PM]: ok.. maybe we can meet up

k87 [3:05 PM]: yes we have to..i don't know where we're staying yet
BROWNCRAYON5 [3:05 PM]: ok.
k87 [3:06 PM]: so how have you been
k87 [3:07 PM]: what time is it
ky87 [3:07 PM]: my clock is off on here
BROWNCRAYON5 [3:07 PM]: confused. trying not to let my self take over myself.. renee there is a lot of shit i need to change .. and it is a hard process.. one being doubt.. 307

k87 [3:07 PM]: doubt in what?
k87 [3:07 PM]: confused about what?
BROWNCRAYON5 [3:08 PM]: in myself.. in others.. confused about what the fuck i am doing. i dunno.. its just a mind fuck of a time being me

k87 [3:09 PM]: what's happened since we last spoke
BROWNCRAYON5 [3:11 PM]: well, i don't have my phone anymore..but that is no biggie, cause i was getting a new one anyway.. i have just had time to think about me, and shit i got to change and it was overwhelming.

k87 [3:12 PM]: everything is apart of growing and growth poocesses...your situation happened for a reason
k87 [3:12 PM]: change can be overwhelming
k87 [3:12 PM]: i was an emotional wreck last sunday night
BROWNCRAYON5 [3:12 PM]: is overwhelming.. sometimes i wonder why people even fuck with me dood, its like my shit isn't perfect, . i know if happened for a reason, but dood i am scared.
BROWNCRAYON5 [3:13 PM]: i feel bad for shit i have done.. to myself and others for being an insecure ass person

k87 [3:14 PM]: you shouldn't...you recognize your time of growth and that's what's scaring b/c you have to leave you comfort zone
BROWNCRAYON5 [3:15 PM]: which is no ones fault but my own.. i sit here and i think of what the fuck i can go out and do, but me sitting here overrides that shit cause i am fucking insecure.. i just feel bad that i have put people in it that i care about.. you, and others.. but dood i never wanted to stop building with you.. you opened shit in me that i was and still am trying to come to tems with in myself and i left you hangin

BROWNCRAYON5 [3:16 PM]: i posted something for you but i deleted it.. because i wasn't sure of what the reaction would be.. but renee it is on my page..
k87 [3:16 PM]: danielle i'm cool.....i will always love you no matter what
k87 [3:17 PM]: what did you post?
k87 [3:17 PM]: i'm growing....myself
k87 [3:17 PM]: when i recognized it....and felt it..it felt/feels so good..somethings i have to let go and had to let go of in the process though
BROWNCRAYON5 [3:18 PM]: so you better go read it before i get crazy and delete it again


i love you too, and i think about you always and i wish i never carried it how i did, but it was my uncertainty in myself and lack of self understanding in which i couldn't be in a place trying to understand you.. and it isn't your fault and i never want you to think of me, or us in that way, dood i love you so much, and i don't see that changing... its just that time, and thangs and situations don't seem to work on my schedule
ky87 [3:19 PM]: it's cool...i'm cool ...i understand
BROWNCRAYON5 [3:20 PM]: its kinda dumb dood, but if anything i don't know how to put it but in those words...
k87 [3:20 PM]: what do you mean
BROWNCRAYON5 [3:21 PM]: it is the newest post.
i just put it there a second ago

k87 [3:21 PM]: oh ok

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
k87 [4:14 PM]: what is up with us
BROWNCRAYON5 [4:14 PM]: i dunno, what do you think?

k87 [4:14 PM]: i dunno duuuude
k87 [4:14 PM]: i'm confused about my feelings
BROWNCRAYON5 [4:15 PM]: me as well
let me know what is on your mind
k87 [4:15 PM]: i still love you
k87 [4:15 PM]: like love you as a friend and beyond
BROWNCRAYON5 [4:15 PM]: i feel the same way about you

k87 [4:16 PM]: it's crazy cus we've been at this for a while
k87 [4:16 PM]: friendship is cool
BROWNCRAYON5 [4:17 PM]: one of the main reasons that i pulled away renee, had nothing to do with you, and yet it affected you. and, i just don't feel that it is fair for me to hold you on some "i don't got my shit together stuff," and knowing fully well that i need to get it together. its like a catch 22 or something.. like i don't want to put you through what i put myself through

k87 [4:18 PM]: i feel you
BROWNCRAYON5 [4:21 PM]: but yet, i got mad love for you, i love you, you opened me up, and i shut myself back down. which is why i wrote i am not a poet for your love.. i don't express any poetic shit for your love.. i mean that is just what it is.. cause i love you beyond words spoken and then ones that aren't.. and i wrote i wish i wasn't the poet that stepped all in your love, cause i feel that i have opened you up to loving me, andsometimes i just don't feel as though, i deserve to have your love, or not even that, you don't and didn't deserve to be open and hanging....
BROWNCRAYON5 [4:22 PM]: i left you out there dood.. i just fuckin typed the words, and let it go
k87 [4:23 PM]: danielle it's cool we can change and grow togetehr for the better.....as friends as ....
BROWNCRAYON5 [4:24 PM]: i mean i need you to do what you need to do.. to make shit better for you.. cause you are some kind of wonderful
BROWNCRAYON5 [4:24 PM]: my first thing i need to conquer is my FAT ASS.. lmao
k87 [4:24 PM]: so are you and i love you for that....
k87 [4:24 PM]: you're beautiful though
k87 [4:25 PM]: but i understand where you're coming from
BROWNCRAYON5 [4:26 PM]: i wish i could stop crying.. you are too beautiful.. dood.. in your own mind..
k87 [4:26 PM]: danielle when i get there..you gotta meet me at my hotel and we're gonna do our thizzle
k87 [4:26 PM]: ok?
BROWNCRAYON5 [4:26 PM]: i have alot to learn from you

k87 [4:27 PM]: i don't mean like that but i mean you and me time..out doing whatever we please
BROWNCRAYON5 [4:27 PM]: i know you didn't mean like that
k87 [4:27 PM]: ok :)
BROWNCRAYON5 [4:27 PM]: lol girl, the shop is shut down
BROWNCRAYON5 [4:27 PM]: :)
k87 [4:27 PM]: what shop?
BROWNCRAYON5 [4:28 PM]: the thizzle shop.. ha, so even if you did mean it like that, you was short ...lol nah
k87 [4:28 PM]: lol
k87 [4:28 PM]: aww the thizzle shop is closed
k87 [4:28 PM]: dang it
BROWNCRAYON5 [4:29 PM]: they got this gigantic box of nag champa, 37 dollars gotta go get that
BROWNCRAYON5 [4:29 PM]: but i am not
k87 [4:29 PM]: i was gonna feed you cantelopes,mangos,kiwis,and something sweet
k87 [4:29 PM]: are you serious
k87 [4:29 PM]: i copped a 137 stick one for like seven bucks
k87 [4:30 PM]: i think the brothe ri copped that one from has a 37 dollar one
k87 [4:30 PM]: 'i love super hit though
BROWNCRAYON5 [4:30 PM]: nope nope nope no mangos.. no kiwis.. no cantelopes, no honey dew, no oranges, none of that sweetness

BROWNCRAYON5 [4:30 PM]: hold upp let me see
k87 [4:31 PM]: ok
BROWNCRAYON5 [4:31 PM]: oh yeah they have nag champa soap

k87 [4:31 PM]: yeah he has that too
k87 [4:31 PM]: but i copped egyptian musk and nature's blessing
BROWNCRAYON5 [4:31 PM]: somebody told me that was the " you gonna you some " incense lmao.. they was lying like shit
k87 [4:31 PM]: none of that sweetness?
k87 [4:32 PM]: yeah i know right
BROWNCRAYON5 [4:32 PM]: nah, its gonna be sweet on some other kinda of level
k87 [4:32 PM]: i use them for relxation
k87 [4:32 PM]: i feel you
BROWNCRAYON5 [4:32 PM]: yes, mind cleanser
k87 [4:32 PM]: they are great aprhodisiacs for a sensual mood
k87 [4:32 PM]: fa sho
BROWNCRAYON5 [4:32 PM]: well, i wouldnt know anything about that

k87 [4:33 PM]: maybe i'll show ou one day
k87 [4:33 PM]: ya know? some other sweetness
BROWNCRAYON5 [4:33 PM]: :-[
k87 [4:33 PM]: some mental sweetness....some we on venus cus earth can't handle our love sweetness
BROWNCRAYON5 [4:34 PM]: lol

k87 [4:34 PM]: what?
BROWNCRAYON5 [4:34 PM]: nah i was lookin for a smiley but i didn't know which one, so i just picked that one

k87 [4:35 PM]: lol



unconvering the understanding of the understanding of it all
that is my girllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll i miss miss miss the convo, whoo we are gonna get through this thang..

talk to you lata

If only I
Could let
You taste my
Words before
I let them go

exactly
when they
were feelings
pure
and right
Before they
Became a
Product
Of my
endless
Mind
Fuck

Passing them
dirty
To my tongue
For the elements to
Have their way with them

If I could

I would have drank
Your salty blues
Before they became
This river
that
i wanna
Envelope myself in,

If only
To feel your
Warmth
and
For real
This time

To look you
In your face
And be able
To know

Without a second
Guess
That
What I was feeling
Was right
For me
you

Us


There
Is litter
In this
Water
That separates
And on the banks
That keep
Us connected

so close
But so far

And how I wished
I could make
The latter
Disappear
Like a magicians
White rabbit

so

I got my bag
In hand
And I will
pick up these
pieces
Stay here all day
If I got to

Cause
I know
That it
Shouldn’t end
……
….
…
..

At least not like this

So I sit next to
The flow of things
And drop message
In
Hoping it makes
Its way
To you

_________________
|*****************\
|***************** ===|++
|*************** ***===|++
|******************===|++
|_________________/


to her heart,

i message you in
dot dot dash
dash dot (your email says so)

you got me pullin out the old ham
radio kit
i remember that ms. williams made me
study it before she took me to
kennedy center
because i thirsted for the art
in things
i was fluent in a language all my own
which i lost somewhere along the way

but i renewed this passion for you
and me
and i send out

.. .-..---...-. -.-----..-

can you hear me
when i say that

.. .-..---...-. -.-----..-

I loved you from afar
i found art in your walk
your talk and
your sexy poetic ways
nothing aesthetic
you are beautiful
in your own mind
which is what i love
about you

and

You will only share this moment... so to be truth-
To be the truth I gotta let you know that I haven’t been the same since I parted
Your oceans..
My words haven’t flown with the same emotion, and I miss just hearing your voice..
When words go unspoken.
and i still got a jones
for your love
i thought about
what we would name the
dogs (i hope you got that part)
and how we would
and could
make this thing
work
despite the obstacles
big, small, teeny tiny, minute
and i gave up
before i even started
on myself
on you

and regret doing so
without the proper
conversation
just a letter
in the mailbox
marked hell
in a handbasket

i ran from the
possibilities
it was a friend who taught
me about possibilities

she told me awhile ago
and it is sad
because i only caught on
in the moments that i
wrote those lines
and i now understand her message

i found so many obstacles in front,
that i did not look behind to see
you standing in my shadow.



and that i can never change
nor forget

CAUSE I WAS JUST PLAIN WRONG

and for once i want to let you
know what is wrong
what is right

i wanna return to what was once
innocent
in our minds

i love your words, your mind, you

god, that girl is going to be lucky
when she catches you..

i just didn't want the bullshit be the
focus in our ever evolving
still life
painting
hanging
in this gallery
marked
existance
survival
life..


if nothing more
i wanna be your friend again
atleast now
that is all that i can offer you

i detatched myself so far from what was, that i was safe in my absence, and when i stepped back in i felt cold

so i am going to sit on the
shore of your blue
waters
until i gotta

but just know
i understand
you if at whenever time
you gotta do what you gotta do

cause i fucked you over.
in my mind
not letting you in
as much as i should have
before i shut you out.

and for once i want to let you
know what is wrong
what is right

i wanna return to what was once
innocent
in our minds

and friendship it up

cause prototype is all about you

i hope that you're the one/if now, you are the prototype/ we'll tiptoe to the sun/and do thangs i know you like//

today must be my lucky day/ baby, you aare the prototype/do sumn' outta the ordinary/ like catch a matinee/ baby, you are the protorype/

if we happen to part/ lord knows i don't want that/ but hey, we can't be mad at god/ we met today for a reason/ i think i'm on the right track



dracula's wedding is all about me

you're all i've ever wanted, but i'm terrified of you/my castle may be haunted , but i'm terrified of you/ i've cast my spell on millions, but i', terrified of you/ baby i do this from the ceiling, but i'm terrified of you//

i wait my whole life the bite the right one/then you come along and that freaks me out/so i'm frightened...draculas wedding.

----------------------------------

let me break it down, so it can forever and consistantly be brokkkkkkkkkkkeee-

i need to take a run
or a few million
a sista
is sososososososososososososososso
unhealty
it makes no sense
i am ashamed of myself
and in need of change
i don't like
living like this
it is no fun being fat
my clothes don't like me
and i don't like them suckas either

who wants to run with me


onward upward

scarf

knitting a hat, and finishing 2 scarves

in progress.. multiple publishings ensue for this post.. thinking things out

i deleted it

i am so confused
very very very very
i just don't know

i dunno..
burn some candles and nag champa for my soul, it is still a baby with many lessons to learn

elle

HAIRRRRRRRRRRRstory

today i had the joy of conquering the hair..

here is the transition.. from, all stuck together, to separation, and twisting, it turned out mighty fine alright

elle

unconcious mutterings

1. Herpes:: simplex
   
2. Freddy:: kruger
   
3. October:: november
   
4. Hunting:: season
   
5. MSN:: 8
   
6. 36:: dollars
   
7. Hotel:: my bed at home
   
8. Travesty:: disaster
   
9. Health:: problems
   
10. Conditions:: urm?
    

party over here

sunday mornin'
flashback
to a time i wasn't present -but love
like it was my own
through the music
that speaks
so
passionately
to my
ardent
heart


right on!--lemme turn down this music before the next time i walk out of here i got on three shoes platforms

two on my feet..

yall know where the other is gonna be

sincecerly
elle

ps hope that we can be together soon- go 'head harold melvin, and those funkay blue notes

the boondocks according to elle

before i could get outside to see the sun, and the sky and the wind tickling the leaves, in its slyest manner(see previous post).

i went downstairs got my obligatory ginger tea cup (the smell deems so,) i walk over to that OXYMORON of a water cooler, to get some hot water, and think of how lazy i am not to boil the water (but whatever), so i am looking for my tea, and i go over to the counter, and set my cup down. something tells me to look up.. which was when i screamed like somebody bloody murdered my ass... i saw that one million leg bug cheadle was telling me about, oh how i screamed, waking up the bodies once at rest.

"what the hell is wrong with you"

i ran and got some orange clean, cause that sucka, fell on the floor, and started coming after me.. now i know this may seem a little over the top, but i don't fuck with big ass squirming bugs, that have one million legs, and run faster than me. could have been a tyrannosaurus rex for all i care.. that shit did not.. and i repeat did not belong in the normally safe confines of the kitchten.. un uh.. can't get me to think otherwise

not trying to sound like a murderer

but i sprayed him, one time for each of those legs, and he kept running, i tell you, he was a persistent fella, but not in my damn house, and no i wasn't picking him up and taking him outside so that he could come back to visit.

so you can hold your calls to peti (people for the ethical treatment of insects) cause i share love for the animals..and i even brake for the three deer that like to cross my street when i gotta go somewhere (no lie those things be waiting for me) or even the ones that eat ms. hills flowers in the wee hours of the night.

but i will not
ever like when those mofos
come exploring my house

not those ants that once liked my window
not those termites that like the front door, because it is close to a mound of mulch, which mind you is completely normal, because the aforementioned mound sourrounds a lovely tree.
not that spider that was chillin in the basement bathtub (that was just plain sick)
not that one that came out chillin during the crabfeast with the long ass butt probe(looking like an over grown misquito on McDonalds), talking bout "what yall eating"
and
not even those fucking crickets that chill all over the house because my brother often mis judges his 2 lizards mouthes, with the floor (bastard, trust i love that little big bamma, cause that is my little big bamma)

circa june 2002
ok.. i know alot of you have heard of roaches infesting homes.. hell alot of you may have even had those little fuckers visit you..

me..

i got crickets.. .. not just your run of the mill cricket that you hear chirping at the butt crack of dawn.. un uh.. i got some domesticated fuckers runnin around my house. (my brother has geckos..not geico and he feeds them crickets.. but always forgets...never fucking closes the cage.. and they escape wrecking havoc around the house. those little fuckers jump like a got-damn moterized pogo stick)

i was chillin on my bed makin a bracelet, when i got up to turn off the light. what did i see making its way across the floor but a (i thought it was a roach.. we don't have them never have..knock-on-wood) cricket. my first thought was to grab the nearest shoe to me, and whack the hell out of it, i chased it around my room for a minute, and it jumped into my clothes basket, i emptied it out, and it ran under my desk, and i whacked the shit out of it. i got up and looked for something to pick it up with, couldn't find anything, so i looked back on the floor where it was lying still, and whacked it one more time for good luck. then went to the bathroom to get some tissue. i came back and to my horror the little fucker was gone.. he faked his death, and was so convincing.. it didn't move, and one of its legs was ever so twisted, like it was a pretzel, or maybe he went to heaven, and if he was reincarnated, i wonder what he will be when he makes another appearance, hopefully not another cricket(lmbao)

no, as soon as it saw me leaving the room, it hopped its happy ass somewhere in a corner, probably knowing i wouldn't waste my time looking for it right away. chillin with another night to live, makin babies-his legacy to bother me the rest of my everloving life, and drinkin a margarita or some shit like that, laughing at me.

goodness i hate fucking crickets..
i blame his survival to carpet, but this grasshopper has become the teacher.. i don't like bugs

nope not even those

cause they give me the heebies that are often associated with the jeebies

on with the sunrise
elle

smooth

the
sun
is
rising
lovely
so
much
so,
that i
must
go

outside

to
greet
it's
welcome
to a new
day
and
to
better
view
the
dark purple
throwing on mute
to
make way for bright
blue

that's love


//thank mom and dad for sticking two together because we don't know how//--3000 hey ya

up for the day

i got up at 4 something.. going out to get the paper
and wash me hair..

something about sunday morning hair washing that has got me hooked

i must admit, i haven't been feeling the greatest lately, my body is not happy with me, and i am getting sick more lately, hideous headaches, arms feel like crap.. cloudy mind.. etc

i need some more nag champa
today shall be lazy (who am i kidding.. they all are)

make some hats

clean up
drink some spicy ginger tea wit honey


contemplate thangs.


ain't understanding mellow
nworb

straight girl blue

she is jabbin in my ear about
this girl she saw
that
"was too good looking to be a girl"

but i am like
stop
spitting
the old ass
rhetoric
about how she was so
cute
but you is mad
and now you questioning
yourself

cause i knowwwwwwww
you
is waxing
poetic
on them
wooden
floors
that make a
path straight
through your heart

trying to save
face-it
you are curious

--and don't got shit to prove to me
do you

will fix template later

going to get me a record player..

whooooo hooo!!

my dad was like what is next
an 8 track


if i so desire
elle

going to sleep at three

i must admit, i have been spending a horribly insane amount of time typing on this thing.
most of the time it is between knitting, from patterns on here, simply cause i haven't hooked up my printer, i am knitting a tube top for t, and i hope it is small enough, she has the exact opposite problem i have with clothes

i just got off the phone, my two-something ritual, and i must say, it was a joy. laughter.

norah jones sounds just lovely on the love below album, i play it over and over, nice, and smokey

signed your favorite (well atleast my own)
insomiac
elle

baby take off your cool, i want to get to know you

strippin out these
clothes
hot-
knowin
that if you was here
i wouldn't
cause i can't let you
see my insecure
side
which is all of them
and that is really
the reason
i hold back on love

there
now i said it

we are taking the clothes to a womens and childrens shelter..

now i shall find the one, that i will donate to

bout to go re-wash the clothes, and box by sizes

:)

t shirt making

tired of the looking like everyone else

make your own

i am making tshirt transfers tonight

any ideas?

yarn

i have aquired a heap of yarn lately, at more than perfect prices. luck.. probably


what is it you ask

green- 5 hanks of bahamas, made in italy for jakobsdals coulour 4124 lot 1951
yellow- (2) katia menta color 22 tint 20245 novelty eyelash type yarn (2) katia blues viscose ribbon yarn
tirqouise& purple-(1) each dancing leaf farm chenille yarn
misc. yarn
some what i think to be bags that they use to put fuit in.. ie oranges, that will serve as yarn bras, when i recieve my ROYAL yarn winder
(3) skiens of wool ease worsted weight yarn, and 1 ball
some old worsted weight virgin wool yarn for dying and felting

all of which cost less than 20 dollars..


440 grams of silk yarn from nepal, and some wool novelty yarn on the way.. whooo hooo

i am sorry

for not making the phone ring on your side

i was too busy trying to fold myself into the hospital corners of my bed

the feeling you ask.. every bit of despondent, dejected, dispirited..
yeah
you get the picture

i am about to go try out my new tooth brush
yes--at three-oh-five in the morning

because i finally got her to go to sleep, cause i don't feel like talkin on the phone, or watching a movie on the phone, while you comment "did you see that" no i didn't cause i wasn't watching it in the first place

her calls are sprinkled throughout the day, and always, at 2:30 am, on her lunch hour, when we verse about the goings on and thangs,and even though most of the time, we carry a good conversation, not tonight, i am not a phone person.

my mom just got finished packing her bag, and let me tell you, she packed her prize possesions on top, the chocolate covered peanuts, her lifesavers mints, a spare pair of un-der-wear and her bible. lol, she is a trip, she is leaving for a womans conference in about two hours, she will be back on sunday i think. imma miss her new hair cut, that thing is bangin' in a momma kind of way, but really, imma miss her trying to run me over with her wheel chair, and those moments, when out of the million that we clash, we smile and laugh, at the same thing.

she loves me

this morning she woke me up and told me that she is having a yard sale on saturday, it seems as though i am going to assume the position of the co-conspiriter, cause my dad does not like junk. ha, i don't like that shit either, but i'll do it. though, i would much rather look in someone elses junk, than manage a shit load called our own.

how about this morning we are riding to the post office, and a suicidal bird is sitting in the street, so i am looking at it like what the hell, don't it see us coming, so what did she do, but slow down, "so i screamed momma no, don't hit it" loud as shit, i lie to you not. we were about an inch away, and that thing finally moved- her logic was because it was just moving, mine- was because it knew that if she hit him going that slow, it would have just been that, a slow, and painful death.. so what you know, we are going back home, and that mofo is sitting right in the middle of the road again, except this time, it was kinda hard to distinguish from the pavement.

yuck..

reminds me of that time there were all those possums, and i was taking fantah to school, and i was screaming, and she was looking at me like look at this damn fool. road kill isn't pretty, and i will not hesitate to scream, but only when i am driving, and it is in my path, makes me think of things that go bump in the night..

bump-bump
ellelee

good news

two text messages from two different people at the same time

amina lawal wins appeal against stoning

tees best friend had a healthy baby gul

peace elle

shower

i am going to take a shower
simply
because
it is easier to
disguise the tears
when you have
water running down
your face

if only i could make this make sense to you-to myself

i finally
figured out, that
i can't manifest my love for you
through br ok e n ke yst ro ke s
and unintelligible grammer

Before, I mustered
all of my
heart into a ball and threw
It
Half ass hoping that you would catch it
And throw me to the side
So that I could recover in
Normalcy
And then again
half ass hoping you would catch it
take me home
and when you did, its as if i got
home sick

i am not poet
for your love

Somewhere along the way
You tossed your ball to me
And I bet
You think I threw it to the
Side

But be sure that I keep
It close
At all times

i am not poet
for your love


i am a woman
in need of
Understanding
Understanding of
Self
Before understanding
Of anything more

i am not poet
for your love

And that’s when
I smelled nostalgia,
the sun was shining beautiful,
And
the clouds were soft,
and inviting,
as if to seduce my fingers into playing catch
with the unattainable.
Its funny but
that
afforded me an understanding
Or at least a smidgen
Of how you must feel
On your plight with my heart
And if it is any consolation
I would surely curl my venus
With your sun
If only the time
Was based on an
Angle of 90

which is why
i wish i wasn't the poet
that stepped all in your love

don't mourn for my old words

they used to call me a poet
but now my words aren't to their liking

so i ball up every page of those
things
and burn them in the fire

like i want you to promise
you will do
me when i am gone
physically-

Do that for me
Or all shall not rest

don't sit me in no church
i never graced after i was
old enough to choose for myself
I don’t want nobody standing over my
Lifeless body talking about
She didn’t look like that when she was
Alive-

because surely i am not supposed to

Don’t go spending exorbitant amounts
Of money for people to grieve longer
Than they should

because in truth
i grieve for you

Don’t mourn for my old words
Or my body
keep the love of my soul
if you had it to begin with

Take that 700 or so, I got left over
In the shoe box under my bed
And pay the man
And if that isn’t enough

what was the worth of it anyway
Burn me along with my words
and
Sprinkle me on the pavement

SHONUFF

i miss my ginger altoids, and my tin of mints that ever so politely states

"please enjoy a mint, since your breath smells like butt"

it is hot as crap in here, my head is aching, and jata just told me i am fasting because i can't fit into my jeans..and then she laughed long and hard.. you know when i get your ass back, there is no discussion- how do they say it... get back is a muthafucka.. ;)

it seems as though everyone i know is having relationship/significant other/ problems.. hell. my ass just got problems..

but naw i am good, besides falling up the steps to my house, mind you there is only two. i guess that is what i get for wearing my bruce leeleroy shoes incorrectly, those things are hot on the inside.. lmao.. i am tripping-literally. but yeah i fell up those steps, and fucked my knee up, groceries went everywhere, i had to go in the house and recouperate before i went back out there to pick all that shit up. i am glad no one was looking. but then again, these people around here be hiding in the bushes and shit.


ps, i saw the cutest little brown boy today, he is a friend of my brother, all i got to say is watch out he looks as though he is a heartbreaker

i am tired
bye


oh yeah i had two of everything on the menu juiced

~menu~
gapefruit
orange
lemon
teaspoons of nasty ass, stankin' olive oil

breakfast ginger tea, with honey

do some geechees for me gul

he

if only this freedom
thang
didn't hurt so bad
i now know
why my momma
always sent me
off
first aid kit in hand

if these (uterus) walls could talk 1

they vould probably be talking to me in the voice of ms. brown, sceaming obsenities.. like maybe

"what the fuck is your problem" followed by !@#$%^@#$@#$#@$

ah the pain..

forest gump

I must have drunk me about 15 Dr. Peppers.

i got to pee



elle

for you i wont move fast

to
my best friend/
geechee girl

i wont move fast for you
i wont move too fast
i will try not to move fast

i wanna keep the pace with
your riddems
cause i see your fire
bright like those city lights
that when still
dance with the same
e-mo-tion
as that photograph
i got etched in my
subliminal
of movements
made
with conciousness
of heart
and mind

i ain't never going to move to fast for you
to void
the past
and move without rememberance
would be to
deny my own self
being that
our strides are similar
and one the same

ain't no steppin out
on this

its all about the
geechee and the strange
understanding



you move me

twin souls.. i mean we both gave each other mangos for christmas..lmao if great minds don't think alike ;)

i can't sleep, so i will give you a little letter to read at your desk tomorra..

i was just sitting here, and i looked you up in google, and i was reading your archives, and gurl ain't shit funnier than that right there, maybe its cause we was going through it all together. and out of all the folks that i can relate that hardest, and best times of my life with, it would be you, cause you was a constant, and still be, even when we be on haitus, and you know, that shit is stubborn-ness, like a muthafucka, and. and then i went to my old emails, and read every last one of those muthafuckas.. haha muthafuckas, that reminds me of the "25 dollar journal that better write for you" as you said "and if i say "muthafucka, they better spell that shit with a u and an a".. girl we been through it, hard ass times like shit, great as times, uneasy times, crazy ones. interesting ones, happy ones sad ones, poetic ones.. A-HEM interesting ones, like me almost running a light and killing yo' ass at christmas, and what did you do, you sucked that shit up like a soldier, thats what i am talking about.. like i said when we first met, you inspire me

i love you dooder.. sistas in life, and whatever comes next.. cause there is a next

you best believe i will be skipping through the "next" lookin for your ass, and maybe we can sing our songs in an unchained melody, have a group and shit, cause both of us be tearing up each others ear drums, don't fake.. i know i can't sing.. you on the other hand got some skills (LMAO)
and whether you know it or not, you the one that got me destroying their boxes. i am in the process of printing those emails out, priceless, more than a material gesture .. even the ones that just say hi. those things got history in them.

know that

ellelee got your back.

from now on, lets end on positives, i have often thought i don't know what i would do without my "sista syol, my soul sista, under the sol"

like you stated in slowly #2

In my dreams I move so slowly
I have enough time to know you
Before you pass by
I have enough time to know what I'm missing
I have enough time to make up with you
And we remain friends
Cause in a fast world
I move slowly
Only for you
You'll never have problems catching up with me

and you taught my stubborn ass that.. you have taught me so much shit you don't even know.. girl what would i do without ya ass..



Slowly #2


In my dreams I move slowly
I can breathe
Life is too fast for me
Yeah...I feel my feet touching the ground
My cell doesn't ring
People get a good look at me
Before they judge
And I can sing
The wind slowly carrying the notes
"**….and I picked up a joy to my face, my heart beats faster than the regular pace….."
Love is, in my dreams
Something I rarely get to touch
And it's so soft I just look at it
Cause everything I touch, I break
Delicacy is not my thang
I love like grass
Never giving up under pressure
Hairs on my head peeking through cracks in concrete
But grass loves only the elements
My world, man made
Created,
Masterpieces projected on a walls and copied
Consistency can be verified by the heart
And the same watered down drink you give me
Slowly seeps back in your mouth though my kiss
In my dreams I move so slowly
I have enough time to know you
Before you pass by
I have enough time to know what I'm missing
I have enough time to make up with you
And we remain friends
Cause in a fast world
I move slowly
Only for you
You'll never have problems catching up with me


Syolie

they killed the pictures on my page.. who knows of good hosting that will allow, my visually stimulated mind to function.

roses really smell like boo-boo --andre 3000

My lips
don’t take no kisses
Packaged in babies breath
And apology
Leave that to your mrs
For not askin if you could
Rearrange the flowers
in her garden

Lets find new ways to make love
cause neither my mind
Nor my body, can continue to contort
Into those god awful positions
You got out of a
Book for a buck ninety-nine

don't move too fast

today is the second day of my accidental fast, it was actually pretty easy, i feel pretty good, hopefully significant change will come, i purchased a pocket muse today, and sacred woman, by queen afua, and have decided to do a 21 day cleanse, lets hope we get to day three, i was talking to my loctitian, about cleanses, and fasts, and this is where i am now, feeling okay and creative, i'll post my progess.

{EDIT} I FORGOT i was driving down the street and my eye rolled up in my head from some damn thing and i was like "checkers you gotta eat" LMMFBAO you know that commercial, i think i was withdrawing.
elle

she pigeonholed

my art,

i can't help but feel my heart twinge at those words, sent by a sistasoul in life.. but i must remember "Try to write poems at least one person in the room will hate."

this one's for you

elle

untitledunfinished

I smelled nostalgia,
the sun was shining beautiful,
And
the clouds were soft,
and inviting,
as if to seduce my fingers into playing catch
with the unattainable.
Its funny but
that
afforded me an understanding
Or at least a smidgen
Of how you must feel
On your plight with my heart
And if it is any consolation
I would surely curl my venus
With your sun
If only the time
Was based on an
Angle of 90

it's a family affair

so i am riding down the street listening to the love below, and the next thing i know somebody scares the bejeevus out of me, horn blaring, i turn and look, he is waving at me "hey honey" he says, and i realize i have seen him somewhere, in a store with his significant other, maybe it was his boyfriend, and i turn to him, and wave, and smile wide and point to the rainbow lei that is over my rear view mirror, and say hey family, which probably looked like i mouthed it into the wind, but he got the picture and smiled. now that is some love. how nice it is to know that perfect strangers can you feel you, and show love. of pride

elle

put it in the air

i put it out there, and it came to me, ellelee has a j-o-b i start on the 19th, by choice, i have a lot of things i need to finish up, to get started, to reconcile, to purge.. to find before i get up in that piece.

yes, happy as shit, personal revolution going on here..
give thanks.. yepperz

going to borders, to work on some hats, and tic tac as j-diggy would say "you tic tackin over there?" as a matter of fact i am

we be trippin sometimes.. but you is my sista-syyyyyyyyyyyol

love the
elle in brown

new hats

bout to start on another, i haven't eaten today, i guess i will go chew some orange juice.. and hit them pillows. tomorrow is going to be busy, gotta drop the hats and thangs off at the shop, and head to aylins for some yarn for the PROJECT


peace and ...

elle

donny is de man

hang on to the world as it spins around
just don't let the spin get you down
things are moving fast
hold on tight and you will last
keep your self respect and your manly pride
get yourself in gear keep your stride
nevermind your fears
brighter days will soon be here
take it from me some day we'll all be free......

keep on walkin tall
hold your head up high
lay your dreams right up to the sky
sing your greatest song
and you'll keep going on
take it fomr me some day we'll all be free
hey just wait and free
some day we'll all be free
take it from me some day we'll all be free
it wont be long
take it from me someday we'll all be free
take it from me
take it from me
take it from me

p d is takin me n

she works

I am sitting here, listening to the dells, with my old ass, as p would say. I swear I love some music. Especially old music, cause they talk straight to you And I would fuck so hard with those basement parties, my folks be telling’ me about, the joints with the blue light, and you best believe my ass would be having a rent party, lol, but even moreso it makes me remember growing up in Arlington, with my folks, going to the ball diamond till early hours on the weekends, and bid wiss parties galore.. Cookouts, and picnics, watchin‘ them hand dancing and secretly wishing that I could step in, or get stepped on.. Damn.. Those were the days, but more specifically singing along to the radio while in the backseat, sexual healing, being my song of choice.. Them probably being like that damn freak in the backseat.. Lol..

This morning I received a call on , my phone, which hasn’t been working since Isabel stepped in the place, and It was THE DENTIST I haven’t heard from him in some months, and the last time being when I switched my phone, and he was in the store, and got my new number. I was beginning to think that he was not serious about the job offer, anywho, he calls me like how are you Danielle, and at 6:30 in the a.m I still had on my “I didn’t brush my teeth voice,” he apologized for calling early, and asked me if I was still interested in working for him.. I was like yes.. He told me that he is going to call me after he gets off, to tell me, about the meeting with his partners, and that I will probably be working in the evenings, and every other Saturday.. Which is peace, cause elle is trying to get back into a few classes- OH-KAYYY

And I gotta get that new meshell joint comfort woman, when it comes out… and outkast tomorrow..

As my sun says

That ain’t nothin’ but the honey

Bout to burn me some lemon verbena candles, listen to some teena (as in marie) and read my book

and some war, cause the world is a muthafuckin ghetto, (they have some bomb musical arrangements, h2overture is one of my faves, makes me wish I still had my flute )

Walkin’ down the street smoggy eyed
Looking at the sky starry eyed
Searching for the place weary eyed
Crying in the night teary eyed

Don’t you know that it’s true that for me,
That for you
The world is a ghetto

Don’t you know that it’s true that for me
That for you
The world is a ghetto

Wonder when I’ll find paradise
Somewhere there’s a home sweet and nice
Wonder if I’ll find happiness
Better give it up
Now I guess

Don’t you know that it’s true that for me,
That for you
The world is a ghetto

Don’t you know that it’s true that for me
That for you
Hey baby hey baby heh heh baby



Theres no need to search
Anywhere
Happiness is here
Have your share
If you know your loved
Be secure
Paradise is love do be sure


Don’t you know that it’s true that for me,
That for you
The world is a ghetto

Don’t you know that it’s true that for me
That for you
The world is a ghetto

Don’t you know that it’s true that for me,
That for you
The world is a ghetto

Don’t you know that it’s true that for me
That for you
The world is a ghetto

The world is a ghetto…




Four cornered room

zoom zoom zooooommmmm as I sit/ in my four cornered room/ as I siiiiiitttttt, in my four cornered room/ I knew we met each other for a reason/ thinking talking we’ve worked out our problems/ look like we should have better days in front/ just because we took our time to think and talk for a much better understanding/

As we sit here in my four cornered ro-hoom/ I can feel alls your deepest emotions/ I know I cain’t talk right , but I feel it from the depths of my souuuuuuuuuul/ oh yeah yeah/ I can understand where your coming from/ yall comin from my four cornered room /yeyeah hhh/ yeah yeah yeah/ that four cornered room yall/



Elle

i get it from my momma

I get it from my momma
this weekend was peace! except no word from you.. hmmmmmmm who could you be?!

isabel came through and wrecked all the havoc she cared to, and then left. so many trees down, two in our yard, and about the same in everyone else’s.

saturday i went to go pick ms p up, from her house, but in the midst of listening to my radio, all the way up, and going somewhere space like in my head, i ended up downtown, so i stopped in chinatown, and like two minutes later her friend dropped her off. we drove to dupont, to walk around and do a lil shoppin' on a broke budget, got some things from the little organic grocery, and some water, and the city paper, and kept on walking. went to that little used bookstore 2nd story books, and i actually got one this time, i was trying to get to the poetry section, but this dude was sitting in a chair smack dab in the middle of the little space, and was not even trying to be courteous, like most folks.. so i was like fuck it


my new hobby is beading, i went in to bedazzled, and fell the fuck in love.. an hour and a half, and 30 dollars later, i emerged, with some new projects, a slew of beads, and thinga-ma-bobbies, for ear-rings, hair adornments, and maybe even some funky stitch markers. my impatience kicked in, before we got half way out of the door, because i was reaching for a bead and putting it on my dome.. stopped at the licka' sto' for some chocolates, with liquor in them for p's momma, and we headed back to china town for some good inexpensive green tea, for the mind and body, (cramps who am I kiddin‘) , and some slippers for these tired ass feet, i wish the doctor was in so i could try one of his remedies....

back to my house for the fucking crab feast.. i hate crabs, so i was just sitting there, but they was all eating those stankin' ass things talkin like they knew each other fo' eva.

i don't know but it is funny, when i was takin p home, my dad was like could he ride, i was like sure, so we drop p off, and she gets out, and my dad says, you know danielle i really like her.. and i was like cool, and i think that something about him meeting my friend who is actually cool and down to earth struck something in him, cause when we got home, i invited him into my pseudio -apartment (lmao) and he looked at my walls, and saw malcolm and was like that is the muthafuckin' man.. what you know about that, we had a talk that was straight heavy. some shit i never heard, he gave me a hug voluntarily for the first time in a long time, and told me that he was proud of me. there was not a dry eye in the joint, cause he finally said.. "no tell me" and i was like whoa.. kinda hesitant.. because it is always "no i tell you" but it was peace.. and things are on the up and up, and......... i look forward to the growth.


sunday i chilled harder than a muh- layed in my bed while the nag champa was burning thinking thangs, got up fixed everybody some breakfast, came back up, dipped my locs (no longer twists, cause they are locked like shit) in some red dye, washed with some carols daughter, if you don't know you sho' nuff betta ask somebody , and now, I am about to get in my bed and read my book


p pointed out that i look like my momma, from which i never thought i resembled, everyone, always saying "thats butchies daughter" but i see that now, and i like it..

peace
ellelee

why the fuck am i so gotdamn shy... oh my goodness, i got this weird ass fear of rejection....... stop the fucking madness..

crazy ass
elle

it is even hotter in here.. hotter than july.. whoo.. you could fry an egg on my forehead... probably wouldn't be tasty but hey.. what can i say

i am sitting here in the complete darkness watching goodtimes in a tiny window on my 'puter, dreading the battery lights inevitable blink in some minutes. 38 to be exact.

gosh....

its been so long since i have typed here about the state of thangs.. there is ssssssssssso much shit on my dome.. and i don't even know where to begin.. like for real for real. i guess rightfully so, cause it has been even longer since i expressed how i felt.. purged so to speak.

i just got off of the phone with p, and she was telling me of the downward spiral of a relationship she is slowly but surely getting out of, by chopping off at the main arteries with her sucky ass homophobe of a husband. and how fitting is that, maybe the blood with sieze to flow to his dick.. she just told me that he called her in the middle of him having a woman in her bed, and at that very moment she was sitting next to him chiming in. needless to say, he turned the shit around when she asked him what the fuck his problem was, of course he turned it into a "danielle is your lesbian lover" conversation.. but whatever... ignorant muthafuckas roam the earth for strange ass reasons, and karma is a bitch.... i'd like to see him try to fuck someone on the floor, cause that is where his sheets, his tv, and his tooth brush will be when she is done clearing all her shit out.. for the second time. whoooo lawd.. niggas and flies i tell you..
this negro is a fucking fly


18 minutes to go

this goapele is calming me down a bit.. its just that i am tired of ignorant mofos, misconstruing friendship with sex.. gotdamn i am a fucking woman.. who loves women.. but not every gotdamn woman.. not like that atleast.

on another note.. my dad is not feeling the lesbian daughter thing.. but its like either you do or you don't it ain't changing.. in a way i can understand the ignorance.. when you were brought up to think, a certain way, but i can't fucking tolerate that shit when you are blissful in that place.. its about moving forward progressing.. yanno.. but its funny cause we went from daddys little girl to the freak with a tongue ring, to the freak who does freak stuff..

hmm

my computer is trippin, so its about to go off.. soo ill be back

on some other shit..

elle

nothing

i've got a lot of stuff on my mind, it is hot in here, and i can't quite figure it out. i have been thinkin on it ... for some minutes, and seconds and hours if only i had a crystal ball ugh

in the process i made three hats.. and my fingers don't like me no mo'

that girl be playing with your mind

oh my.. i was just thinkin' on how ms. t puts thangs.. she be trippin a sis up. she got a way with words, and that is half the battle.. got me thinkin november is after september.. like immediately.. maybe its cause i was in the grocery sto' not thinking about what she was talkin' bout.. but damn.. i have known the 12 months since when..? not to mention she is dangerous to be around, and will hop out the car and argue with a person, if they cut her off, initiating road rage.. nah .. she is road rage, and straight be the one driving like a bat out of heaven. and she isn't even a buck-zero.. more like eight-OH! thats my girl though.. little ball of fiyah...

ah.. you just gotta be there.. her ass is crazy as shit, plus she almost killed me going around a corner today

so i kiss that one up.. and drive from here on out..

elle

blessings

peace to the people

i got a new computer viao frv28
so many blessings. i got my hair twisted up yesterday, and i now have a spot to sell my items.. my loctitian(sp) is so extremely nice, not only has she offered to do this, she has commisioned me to make a set for her hat wristwarmers and poncho.

i can't finish this right now but before i go i wish peace to the williams family on the murder of a sister, daughter, mother, friend. i couldn't imagine the pain.

elle

a scarf for yesterday

finished items last night

three wristbands acrylic
one penny purse

photo op- hair

thoroughlywholeheartedlymadlydeeply

in love

hmm what a feeling

don't dig too deep now-- for the speculators

elle

beauty lying in the unforseen.... seek it

....and then the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. -anais nin

everytime i read that quote, which is plastered in my psuedio, i envision a georgia o'keeffe painting..
she made the most beautiful flowers, which were at one point encased in a boring old bud, which leads me to believe, that beauty is ever lying in the unforeseen . and that i must seek it.. even if that means going outside in me skivvys... where the memory of humiliation would eventually drown out, and sight beauty forever engraved in my subliminal..

what a wonderful thought..


but what if you were the The Amorphophallus Titanum...described as similar to that of rotting eggs, a dead elephant, an outhouse in sweltering heat—and worse. i'd still have to say..nonetheless beautiful if your nose is plugged..

nworb

today is not my day.. so far

oh my.. i feel like shit

i really dislike falling out of my bed, not to mention i only wake up after a mild concussion. ha, i ventured outside to get the mail, equipt with a robe, only to realize, that i had an unmentionable, hanging loose.. i wonder if they saw me..

ah

gotta love days like this

crafty

some photos of what i have been working on in my spare time. not all of it, just a taste.. i been gone for a minute, but i will be back with some of my old ass ellelee-isms and some new funknastyness i am trippin' and you know how it be, so for the second time around we gonna make it funky for real this time

you don't gotta fuck wit it---just let it flow
i might not be picasso, but i'll tell you what.. I AM elleleebrown.. WORDDDD
remember i'm an artist, and i'm sensitive about my shit
and with that said on with the pictures :)












love yall so damn much talk to you so damn rough
new email addy beez- elleleebrown@hotmail.com


oh how i can't wait for MY OWN computer again

elle

steak taste on a hotdog budget.. HAAAAAAAA

so then t-diddy texts me

where you at
-home, you wanna meet me at walmart, returning rugs- hey gotta eat
i would but i have no money
-i don't know about you, but i'm about to hit up the grocery store (for more ramen its amazing how inventive you can get with plastic noodles and a seasoning packet)
don't you wanna go get me some potato soup from bennigans
-where that come from, you better hit up that dollar menu
can't afford that either, i guess it's a bread and water night

lmao.. but i am wondering where the hell i was supposed to afford it from.. heh

aww shit here she goes callin me

life and times

a girl is broke.. understatement..

i am left to ramen noodles, and they have now dubbed me the queen of returns, cause hey i sometimes buy things that don't make any damn sense, which calls for return.. and all i got to know is what is so wrong with that? its been a minute since i really put everything out there.. and tonight might not be the night, but i am in need of a good ole soul stirring type of post, cause there is so much shit i got to say..

the job search is going alright, i am in the looking for a job that does not include anytype of retail enviornment.. cause that shit is so highschool (no offense to retailers that are lovin' the life so to speak i just have bad luck with people and their damn attitudes).. took a test today for a government J-O-B, and i passed.. so i have been invited to the phase two assesment.. whatever that is, physical testing, and some other stuff .. they are gonna weigh me.. haha aaaaawww damn.... thats gonna be interesting..

well i feel kinda hungry
lemme take these rugs back to walmart
lmao
elle

diggin this dwele

she'll never know that she's the reason that i wrote this rhyme
and i'll bet she'll never guess
but i go all out of my way
just to deliver this rhyme
but shel'll never know-no-oh oh
subject numbers 5 & 15


dripping like thoughts wet
you quench me with
each discovery

i am still amazed
that you that you are willing to give ME
everything that you got whole heartedly
and with a fight

"i want you to know
but baby i can't let that go
just yet
and can you just hold on for a
second"

and i expect nothing more
no less
cause i respect your
respect for self
love

before preoccupation with
bodies and flesh meshing
making like they love

and really aint



elleleebrown
over
out

niggas and flies

ahhhhhhh.. dammit..


i had some shit to say, but well i just been away from the computer, i got my hair twisted up type lovely, met this playwrite at the cafe, when i was throwin away my cup, and she asked me to sit down and hear her work. it was hot, she is in this travelling womens theatre group, and she has invited me to be a part in her play... whatt? its cool, one of those bomb meetings, that just happen.. when you aren't looking, or just happen to be about to leave.. it was cool..

ansylla is the girl that twisted my hair up, she is type nice.. and lovely i might add, a grip older than me, but cool as hell though (but don't we all know that older women put it on me some kinda fierce) i met her mom at first she was shopping, and i commented on her hair.. and she kinda looked at me funny, and finally gave me a card, so like 4 months later i find myself making that call to get my wig fitted.. anywho she asked me how i found out about her and i told her mom, and we talked the whole time, i made her this cute little purse thing with some red wool, and felted it, with some big wooden buttons, and put some teas, and honey sticks in it, she dug :)

annnd i saw this girl i hadn't seen for a minute.. whew.. lawd.. lets just say it's getting hot in heeeerre


but this is where the niggas and flies comes in.
it's sometime between when you meet someone, and fall in love, and then when you realize they are full of shit..don't give a fuck or whatever it may be..whew.. i just don't know what to doooooo

niggas and flies.. which one is worse.. i don't have a clue


and thats fo realla

elleleebrown over and out

shopping for her baby

hmm

there is this girl, that i know who is really in a rut, she has a baby, and is currently pregnant by this guy i went to highschool with who has FOUR children already he is 22 , who quit his job so he wouldn't have to pay her child support, and who is very much an asshole. anywho, she doesn't make much money and she needs help, so my sister and i are going shopping for her baby.

now i know some people already who, talk shit about her, or tell her what she needs to do, but do not offer a single helping hand. she has her vices, just as much as the next person, and they harp on her about it.. in the little time that i have known her, she has always been very kind, and her baby is the cutest little one, but feeds off of her sadness, as any little one would do.

now this is a hard thing to do since the both of us are broker than broke, but considering the bullshit, i can find to spend my money on, twenty something dollars isn't that much, to give to the baby, and to her, because her esteem isn't the highest right now. and she has had a hard life, and kinda just wants to give up, so i told her to wash that man right out of her hair. and that if she needs something call me, instead of listening to his false promises, and all those times "he knows just what to say" to get her in the bed.. cause she needs someone to talk to, so i offer my friendship to her.

my sister is matching whatever i spend on our shopping for her baby trip, so i am about to get ready to go.

the only reason, that i am skeptical about going is that i don't want her to think that she has to pay me back, and i don't want her to think that this is charity, i just want to let her know that people aren't all as fucked up as she thinks, and that i truely care. because i know what it feels like to be alone.. or atleast feel that way, and i know what it feels like when someone shows that they care..

and they say you shouldn't keep it, but pass it on

good fortune..

elle

ughh i feel horrible- don't read it is horribbly dumb

hmm

i don't feel much like talking.. all i got to say it that i don't like drama, and there seems to be alot of it lately.. oh yeah i will add that my cellphone sucks.. has zero signal, and i am tired of hearing "you are breaking up" i had a weird ass dream this morning, after waking up at the buttcrack of dawn to get alfred to camp.. does 5-ish seem a little outrageous for a 7 year olds day camp. hmm maybe it is me, or better yet, i think it is having to fight with him to take a bath and actually get up.

it had people from my past, one in particular.. anyway, we were riding a bus, on which she gave me this really big ass ziploc bag of pictures of people i don't know. and we got off somewhere, and i left all my shit on the bus (this is where you say go danielle!.. dumbass) and we spent a really long time, because of my concern, looking for my shit, (and why cause i knew somebody stole my shit) following busses, until there was no more, cause i didn't know which bus we were on, and neither did she.. go figure.. anywho, we are looking, and searching, and i was like damn i need my shit, my janky ass cellphone, my purse bag, my books, my wallet loose money, my atm card, of which holds no value at any given point, and some other shit.. so i call the bus company.. to no avail, i call the stores and complain about my shit being gone, and they are like so what, and then, i see a sign and it says something like a whole bunch of shit for sale.. and has all my stuff up there. and they are selling it for bullshit prices, think.. like a penny and free, so i try to go get it back and they say that i can't have it.. i am like whatever its just some shit...but can i have it back ..

and then i wake up..

i think the moral of the story is that things, as well as bullshit friends, are disposeable, their value depreciates, but, their fucking memory is still there, haha and it was wonderful at one point but, well.. ugh.. why waste your time

whatever.. i am pisssssed.. i gotta go.. it don't make sense i know.. people and things always fuck me up

dancing to your beat

i once danced to your rhythyms thump thump

e.badu.lover-ly

i don't know bout yall
but i was feelin' ms e.badu
on the bet awards


i just think she is beautiful
and i love her TWA

peeking her purple toe polish

dood.. i am tired

tonight my moms, and sun went to las vegas to visit my grandparents, and i am trying to stay up until i know they get there safe.. i'm tired

took vic, and pops to the peruvian joint for some chicken, and then to toys r us for some toys.. cause i don't wanna grow up.. nah mostly hot wheels for cheadle, and this hulk truck for V, and now i am broke. anything for my babies.. we sat in the floor and put che's race track together, but i realized i forgot the batteries.. he told me it was aight that i could go buy him some tommorrow.. the thought of him regulating, MY money.

my dad keeps rollin' over talkin bout get out of his room, so imma keep it short.

i'm playing mom for two weeks, and it should be very interesting.

a date with my men on saturday, we are going to the movies, maybe six flags.. i dunno..

all i know is..

i was peeking her purple toe poslish- r. royster


but fo' real tho
i wanna dance..

poetry lives like a forest
plush
we soar drunk
into each nanosecond
like whispers
and find beauty in shadows
marveling
at the sweet
language
found

our bellies full
of rains
sweet juice

cool girl..

i met this really cool girl the other day at borders, she worked in the music section, and i was waitin' on sonnia listenin to goapele.. all the way up, so i didn't hear, or see her coming. when she tapped me on my shoulder, "that is a really great CD" we talked for a minute about something or another.. and she went back to working. after i had got done with the CD, i saw her walking, so i asked her about her hair, she had the most gorgeous locs they were wild, sticking up and stuff.. she was like she did them herself, she looked at my hair and was like don't loc it.. anyway, im'ma commit to twisting this mess, and will be done by the end of next week.. goddess willing

ellelee

ooooooooooh

i am hungry

my people are out of town, i slept in my mommas bed, its the closest thing to a hug i got right now


i remember this one time when i was a lil' girl, and we went "down the country," to stay in my grandparents house, and we decided to go to town to go shopping (even though shopping was like kmart, and win dixie) cause everybody know there ain't shit to do in the country except swat flies, and help with the cows, sit outside hot, with no cable, wishing you was at home. and we got lost listening to my grandmas directions, and we ended up in the cross roads.. i remember so distinctly her turning around saying "this is where the devil comes to get you... in the crossroads" and i also remember the fear i got, cause she was serious as a heart attack, and i remember my aunt just laughing..

whoo memories..

i feel as though i am in the crossroads right now.. not where the devil is coming to get me, but more on some Michael Jackson, man in the mirror type vibe.

changes to be made..
as always

the thought of love

got me thinking thangs

heh

i dunno.. sometimes i will just be sitting here like damn.. wtf is wrong with me.. even though i know there is nothing.. shit is funny.. i feel so inadequate sometimes..

i just wanna love and be loved.. why is it so hard though. i once cut myself off from someone very special, because of my own insecurities. that shit sucks cause i very much loved her, love her, care for her. the uneasiness, of not knowing, and scared to find out, got the best of me. got me thinking i let go of someone i still very much care for. but i feel like shit cause i can't relay the message.. messages of how i feel, and felt, things i was scared to say, not knowing how you would react, i just loved the feeling of falling, and poetry nonstop, our little books of questions, for when our brains weren't workin, when we needed them, of switching phones when one was about to go out you sitting in the hallway cause you was borrowin your roomates phone, and when my night and weekend minutes were about to go out, you would go to the computer lab, and me to my computer and carry it on, with IMs until one of us had to go, even though it should have probably been hours earlier. and sike nah (sike nah sike's) and o'mi'gods, and your mocking them, you were on the phone when i was about to tell my momma the big secret.. i dunno. it was very much fresh, and i think i made it stale..

i want you to know that i love you, and that i wanna continue our friendship

the ascension was hot
i miss you

imma call you as soon as my cellphone.. stops being we-todd-did

she got wings.. no wonda she fly

sistas

many prayers go out to my friend.. til the end.. i loveth you like pineapples and green jello

il.

before it is all said and done

it has to begin


and it goes a little something like this..


il.

i am insecure with love
self love
love of you and yours
me and mine

and even though i space
my thoughts, and words
as if i got it down pact
i don't know the art of
love and war
or how to make it
i don't just want to "DO IT"
let me learn loves' fluid-it-y
with you

i loved you. but moreso found it hard to believe that you could be in love with me, so i ended it abruptly like the screech of tires, after the driver has mashed the breaks, except the whiplash didn't mess with your neck, it played crazy tunes with your heart strings. i hung open like unfinished sentences, and i don't think either of us really knows what happened.. all i know is that...

i am insecure with love.
self love
love of you and yours
me and mine